I know, I know......I have been such a bad mama. I have not been updating my blog as I promised. I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'll start with the 2nd visit to the OB which was 4 weeks and 2 days ago in which I was 6 weeks and 1 day pregnant. This was the one where we were going to see the heartbeat. I don't even know why we had the 2nd US. I guess I was just going with the flow and not even considering anything else. Well, we did see the heartbeat and while it was a beautiful sight it was quickly dampened by the words of my OB. She felt that it was a bit low, beating at 105 and that she would like to see it in the 180's. So, of course, I started freaking out! I almost threw up right there on the table. It's funny b/c my initial instinct was "180?, wow that seems kind of fast for an ebryo with a heart that just started ticking a couple of days ago." Later, I did some research and found out that a normal heartrate for a 6 week embryo is 90-100. Anyway, I continued to freak out and my doc knew it. She advised me to start taking progesterone to help support my placenta and increase vasodilation and she would check again in 2 weeks. She immediately saw the look on my face and realized that 2 weeks would be too long for someone who was about to have a panic attack right there on the table. So, she said she would check me again after the weekend to make me feel better. I agreed.

Then, I called my sister-in-law for some advice. She was questioning whether all this worry was necessary and asked me when I am alone and quiet with myself what is it that feels right to me. I told her that I had no idea what felt right at this point. It is such a struggle with me b/c I see the worst of EVERYTHING!! I was so confused. Should I take the progesterone? Should I have another US? Should I just do nothing and and be blissfully ignorant? Well, after doing some research, getting a 2nd opinion and having a discussion with my ever so calm, rational and wonderful husband, I decided to take the progesterone and not have that US to recheck the heartbeat. To make a long story short, after taking sometime to be quiet with myself and my thoughts, I decided to cancel the followup US and the 8 week checkup. It just feels so right and so good to just let it be. My body knows what to do. My OB was totally fine with it. I know now, that although she may be a little too cautious in my opinion, she really is just looking out for me. She really is a good doctor. I have the inside scoop here at work and everyone I talk to says that she is the best OB out of all of them. Trust me when I say that the labor and delivery nurses know. I have actually been to a couple of deliveries with her and I must say, I am impressed. I just need to be in control of all of this. I will listen to what she has to say but I will do what feels right for me and my baby.

So, boy, it sure was different when we saw her at our 10 week visit this past Thursday. I pretty much told her how this was appointment was going to go. She was great. I told her thanks but no thanks on the flu vaccine (due to the high mercury level) and she offered her opinion and then said "it's up to you, whatever you decide". Next she asked if we wanted to have all of the genetic screens done. Michael and I decided to forgo all of the screenings. There are just too many false positives and there is now way in hell I would ever get an amniocentesis. There is nothing different that we would do so what is the point of all the needless worry? She actually told me she wouldn't do it either. I then told her that I would like to see if we could hear the heartbeat with a doppler. She said we could try but at 10 weeks there would be a good chance that we probably wouldn't hear anything since the uterus doesn't rise out of the pelvis until after 12 weeks. Well, she put it on my belly and OMG the most amazing sound. Again, I hear this all of the time but I am telling you, it is so different when it is your baby. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh........there it was, my baby's heart ticking away at a rate of 176!!!! I couldn't believe it. Dr. Ramos was so surprised and I swear she was just as excited as we were. It was a beautiful moment. Michael had a smile from ear to ear.

Now, if I could just get past all the nausea and throwing up. I have been feeling like crap for the past couple of weeks. All I want to do is lay on the couch and sleep. Nothing sounds good to eat, except carbs. I used to eat so healthy but now all I want is toast, pasta, mashed potatoes, fruit and a burger every once in awhile. I can't wait until my palate comes back to normal. I have been so out of touch with everyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. Hopefully, in the next 2 weeks or so I will get back to my normal self. Otherwise, my husband may divorce me!

So, here I am all caught up for now. It is now Sunday 1:30 in the am and I am at work taking care of 2 babies that weigh barely 3 lbs. They are so cute! I am now 10 weeks, 4 days and feeling yucky. I will start to post some pics of the belly.