I know, I know......I have been such a bad mama. I have not been updating my blog as I promised. I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'll start with the 2nd visit to the OB which was 4 weeks and 2 days ago in which I was 6 weeks and 1 day pregnant. This was the one where we were going to see the heartbeat. I don't even know why we had the 2nd US. I guess I was just going with the flow and not even considering anything else. Well, we did see the heartbeat and while it was a beautiful sight it was quickly dampened by the words of my OB. She felt that it was a bit low, beating at 105 and that she would like to see it in the 180's. So, of course, I started freaking out! I almost threw up right there on the table. It's funny b/c my initial instinct was "180?, wow that seems kind of fast for an ebryo with a heart that just started ticking a couple of days ago." Later, I did some research and found out that a normal heartrate for a 6 week embryo is 90-100. Anyway, I continued to freak out and my doc knew it. She advised me to start taking progesterone to help support my placenta and increase vasodilation and she would check again in 2 weeks. She immediately saw the look on my face and realized that 2 weeks would be too long for someone who was about to have a panic attack right there on the table. So, she said she would check me again after the weekend to make me feel better. I agreed.

Then, I called my sister-in-law for some advice. She was questioning whether all this worry was necessary and asked me when I am alone and quiet with myself what is it that feels right to me. I told her that I had no idea what felt right at this point. It is such a struggle with me b/c I see the worst of EVERYTHING!! I was so confused. Should I take the progesterone? Should I have another US? Should I just do nothing and and be blissfully ignorant? Well, after doing some research, getting a 2nd opinion and having a discussion with my ever so calm, rational and wonderful husband, I decided to take the progesterone and not have that US to recheck the heartbeat. To make a long story short, after taking sometime to be quiet with myself and my thoughts, I decided to cancel the followup US and the 8 week checkup. It just feels so right and so good to just let it be. My body knows what to do. My OB was totally fine with it. I know now, that although she may be a little too cautious in my opinion, she really is just looking out for me. She really is a good doctor. I have the inside scoop here at work and everyone I talk to says that she is the best OB out of all of them. Trust me when I say that the labor and delivery nurses know. I have actually been to a couple of deliveries with her and I must say, I am impressed. I just need to be in control of all of this. I will listen to what she has to say but I will do what feels right for me and my baby.

So, boy, it sure was different when we saw her at our 10 week visit this past Thursday. I pretty much told her how this was appointment was going to go. She was great. I told her thanks but no thanks on the flu vaccine (due to the high mercury level) and she offered her opinion and then said "it's up to you, whatever you decide". Next she asked if we wanted to have all of the genetic screens done. Michael and I decided to forgo all of the screenings. There are just too many false positives and there is now way in hell I would ever get an amniocentesis. There is nothing different that we would do so what is the point of all the needless worry? She actually told me she wouldn't do it either. I then told her that I would like to see if we could hear the heartbeat with a doppler. She said we could try but at 10 weeks there would be a good chance that we probably wouldn't hear anything since the uterus doesn't rise out of the pelvis until after 12 weeks. Well, she put it on my belly and OMG the most amazing sound. Again, I hear this all of the time but I am telling you, it is so different when it is your baby. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh........there it was, my baby's heart ticking away at a rate of 176!!!! I couldn't believe it. Dr. Ramos was so surprised and I swear she was just as excited as we were. It was a beautiful moment. Michael had a smile from ear to ear.

Now, if I could just get past all the nausea and throwing up. I have been feeling like crap for the past couple of weeks. All I want to do is lay on the couch and sleep. Nothing sounds good to eat, except carbs. I used to eat so healthy but now all I want is toast, pasta, mashed potatoes, fruit and a burger every once in awhile. I can't wait until my palate comes back to normal. I have been so out of touch with everyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. Hopefully, in the next 2 weeks or so I will get back to my normal self. Otherwise, my husband may divorce me!

So, here I am all caught up for now. It is now Sunday 1:30 in the am and I am at work taking care of 2 babies that weigh barely 3 lbs. They are so cute! I am now 10 weeks, 4 days and feeling yucky. I will start to post some pics of the belly.

First Day Of Work

Well, I am officially back to work although, it was just orientation. It was a long and boring day. I had my labs drawn today before 8am and had been anxiously awaiting the results for the first half of orientation. It was awful. My stomach was in knots and I was fighting the waves of nausea once again. After lunch I received a message from my OB and the first words out of her mouth were, "Good News". Immediately, I was relieved. My levels look great and now we will just have a follow up ultrasound on Thursday. Phewww...........I feel so much bettter!

A week of visits

Today is the first day I have absolutely NOTHING to do and boy, I am going to take total advantage of it! My plan is to do just that.....NOTHING! I am currently laid up on the couch watching football with my hubby while fighting the waves of nausea and on and off "pinching, cramping, and burning down there". I am also having some more spotting which makes me feel a bit uneasy but I am trying my hardest to stay positive.

This week Jerry and his wife came down from SF for a couple of days. While it was a great time as it always is, it was definitely not the same. Our usual visits with each other consist of large amounts of alcohol being ingested (which usually is followed by an intense hangover the next day), and a at least a day of hiking. While Michael and everyone else were able to continue the usual ritual I was just sitting back and observing. Hey, I am not complaining here, but is it horrible of me to say that I could totally go for a shot of tequila right now? Anyway, we attempted to do one of our favorite hikes the other day but as I was hiking up and down, and hopping over some rocks, I thought to myself, is this worth it? I was just at the doctor's the other day with spotting and cramping and now I am here huffing and puffing while hearing the words of Dr. Ramos "Just take it easy for a bit, the less uterine activity the better". As hard as it was for me to turn around, I knew it was the right thing to do. I do not want to risk anything!

Yesterday was a great day. My brother and my nieces came up for a sleepover. As most of you know, those 2 little girls mean more to me than anything. They are just the most amazing little people that I have ever known and I am so grateful to have them in my life. It's honestly hard for me to imagine my life before them. The 2 of them were one of the main reasons we moved back to California. I just don't want to miss out on them growing up, since it is happening so fast! So, with all of that said, I was sort of nervous about telling them about the news. My concern was that they might feel that this would take me away from them. But, since this is big family news and they are my family, they have every right to know. Besides, I didn't want my dad opening his big mouth before I could tell them. So, after playing in my apartment, going to lunch, playing in the park, walking down the pier, going for ice cream, Michael and I told them we had something to tell them and then we showed them the ultrasound picture. Madison gasped and Makenzie looked a bit confused. I asked if they knew what it was and Madison said, "yes, it's a baby". I said, "do you know who's?". She replied, "the one in your belly". I said yes, and immediately the were excited. I was so relieved! I told them that this does not change anything and that I am still going to come down and visit and they will come up too. I was really surprised how excited they were. Madison said she would even babysit, only if it is a girl, of course. They both are determined to help me pick names, again, if it is a girl. That should be very interesting! It was so sweet. Makenzie looked up at me and said, "I can't believe you are going to be a mama and that Michael is going to be a daddy!" It was a great night. After showers and teeth brushing, the 4 of us played a game called "rat-a-tat-cat" which they loved. Then, we snuggled up in bed and after they fell asleep, I got a bump in my back from Makenzie's butt and that's when I said, "I'm outta here!" I was off to my organic king size bed! AHHHHHH....ZZZZ

Day One

Well, here I am.....an official blogger. Another thing to tie me to this computer! Are there any harmful effects on the embryo by having this laptop on me all the time? Hmmmm. I never had an interest in blogging although I thoroughly enjoy reading other people's especially my sister-in-law's. I thought to myself that maybe I would start blogging once Michael and I got pregnant. So, here we are, PREGNANT!! We can't believe it! We never thought it would happen this fast. We have only told immediate family and a couple of close friends. We want to get to 10-12 weeks before we share the news with everyone just to be sure, even though everything will be fine. However, I was a bit nervous the other day as I started to cramp and spot. So, I called the doc and had some blood drawn to check my hormone levels which were fine. I also had an ultrasound which showed the "little nugget" inside my uterus with the yolk sac and everything! It was unbelievable. You know, I see this all of the time and yet it is so different when it is your own. It is absolutely a MIRACLE!! Since we are not sure when we got pregnant, well sort of but b/c I am not regular, she estimates me to be about 5 1/2-6 weeks. I go for more blood work on Monday and another ultrasound on Thursday just to be sure everything is still going well, which it is. After that, I would like to hold off on the ultrasounds for a bit as there is some research to the ultrasound having some possible negative effects on the embryo/fetus.

Michael is doing well. I don't think it feels real to him yet. It almost seems that he's not that into it. But, that is probably b/c he is not the one battling nausea, frequent bathroom runs and the pinching feeling down in the groin and VaJ-J. My life is so consumed by this news right now I feel like maybe he might be feeling left out. I don't know. What I do know is that he is going to be a WONDERFUL father and for that, I am so grateful.

I am so excited b/c today I found out that one of my friends that I work with is about 13 weeks pregnant. This is her 3rd child and she will be a great resource for me. It kind of freaked me out today b/c she was telling me to get on a waiting list for the "Children's Center". Apparently, it is the best day care center in the county. They use the rye philosophy. I have yet to research this but it sounds good. My plan is to never use day care but I figure why not get on the waiting list just in case, right? It was so crazy to be talking about day care and mom's groups! What the heck, who am I? Am I not that girl who just got married, moved out of Bend and back to Santa Barbara and who was possibly looking forward to a Thailand trip next year? Oh well, here we go. It is meant to be. Thailand can wait. I am looking forward to each day of being pregnant and feeling this life growing inside me. First thing to do, as my friend had recommended, throw everything I know when it comes to be a baby nurse (especially a NICU nurse) out the window. This will be the hardest for me. I see the worst at times and I really need to stay focused on MY experience and not the experiences that I have had with other "little nuggets". However, I must say, I am so excited to get back to work on Monday. I do miss the little premies! Well that's it for now. My fingers are getting tired.

Nugget's Mama